A week ago today, I said goodbye to my feline companion, Toto.

The downside of the human lifespan is that if you choose to share it with pets you will inevitably outlive them. In my lifetime, I have loved and lost a hamster, 3 dogs and 7 cats. You’d think I’d have got used to it by now.
No. Every time is as hard as the first, and Toto was one of the hardest.

Thanks to Marcus Afonso for this beautiful photo

This beautiful boy arrived in my life almost 13 years ago. I took my daughters, aged 10 and 15, to our local JSPCA Animal Shelter with the hope of bringing home a kitten. To our surprise, a litter of black kittens had been found without their mother and brought to the shelter. They were friendly and playful making it difficult to know which one to choose. Two of them were born with Feline Cerebellar Hypoplasia, a condition which can cause difficulty with walking and keeping balance. Cats with it sometimes bob their heads and have trouble focusing on things like their food bowls.

With their compassionate hearts, my girls fell in love with them instantly, so instead of one kitten, we welcomed Misty and Totoro into our family, adopted and named by Shannon and Kelly respectively.

They were tiny. Toto sitting behind Misty. Very poor photo quality, but phone cameras weren’t that great back in 2007!

Sadly, Misty’s condition worsened and, following a seizure when she was 6 months old, she died.
Thankfully, Toto’s condition was milder. His main symptoms were often crossed eyes and the occasional wobble, which improved as he got older. However, his eye to mouth co-ordination was always pretty poor. I’d put treats down which he’d sniff around for and be surprised when his nose touched one!

3 years later we adopted a crazy little ginger female. Kelly named her after a character from the Final Fantasy game series - Tifa. Toto adored her. They played and cleaned each other, and often cuddled up to sleep together. Tifa was a fearless kitten, who lived life to the full and deserves a dedicated post.

The photo quality is poor, but you get the idea.

The name Toto is synonymous with either Dorothy’s dog in The Wizard of Oz, or the American rock band who had the hit song, ‘Africa’. His name actually came from a Japanese kid’s film. Kelly has always loved Anime, so named him after the main character in a Studio Ghibli cartoon film, ‘My Neighbour, Totoro’.

It’s strange how we often give our pets more than one name. As if Totoro and Toto weren’t enough, I also called him Bear, Prince-a-poo and Big Boy. Complete madness! The latter got me into a tricky situation a couple of years ago, when my daughter’s boyfriend stayed over. Just as he came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, Toto came up the stairs and into view. I called out ‘Hello, Big Boy’! Well, you can imagine the scene and frantic explanation!

Toto had always been a very slender cat, but towards the end of last year he put on a lot of weight and then quickly lost it. On Christmas Eve, he was diagnosed with diabetes. I had no idea that cats (and dogs) can suffer from this. After two months of insulin injections, it was clear his illness could not be stabilised, indicating a possible underlying condition, like cancer. He’d lost all control of his bladder and bowels and the vet agreed the kindest thing for him was euthanasia. She was so kind and understanding and he went peacefully snuggled into my arms.

He’s survived by Suki who, following the tragic death of Tifa, joined the family in December 2011. She pretends not to be bothered by Toto’s absence, but will miss ambushing him at every opportunity and acting as though he meant nothing to her.

I miss the thud, thud as he jumped off my bed to come and say hello whenever I arrived home. I miss seeing him stretched out in the sunshine streaming through the window, or sitting on the window sill ‘talking’ to the birds in the garden. I miss him lying near me every evening waiting for bedtime and then nuzzling into my hand for a chin rub and cuddle, before curling up at the end of my bed. I even miss him waiting and meowing outside the door whenever I went to the toilet, just to make sure I was OK!

But, I’m so thankful. Toto was a devoted companion, who doted on me. He gave me love, made me laugh and cheered me up when I was down. I will treasure those memories. Sleep well, my little bear.

Sending my love to any of you who have lost a pet recently. They trust and love us unconditionally and will forever be in our hearts.